It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
