This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Randomize
