i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
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i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
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Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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