I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
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She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
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Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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