dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos