Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.