this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..