so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.