...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
