I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize