Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
