Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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