Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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