Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
