i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
