I just saw a hot homeless man
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
