I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
