We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
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i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
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I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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