I haven't been this sober since birth.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed on how many people?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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