Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize