You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
