pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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