you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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