went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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