i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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