I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
