She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
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I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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