You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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