Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
