my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
