ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
