Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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