I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
