and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
