So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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