I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
