I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
