Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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