Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
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listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
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Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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