Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
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And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
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Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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