She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
