just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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