I can't breathe out the right side of my face
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You pole danced in your parka.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
