so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
