I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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