I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
