a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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