he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
