I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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