i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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