he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You have to summon your inner elephant
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
