So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
