It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
