because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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