I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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