I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
