Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
