Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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