Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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