Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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