About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
