guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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