I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
