I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
oh god the rape fog is back!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
