Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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